You lose until you learn

Every pirate on the island knows insults you do not. The first time they shut you up; you walk away with the insult written in your logbook. The second time you know what to say back. Losing is the progression system, and it is the most honest thing about the game.

Insult duel: two pirates on the beach and a menu with six insults to choose from — Twelve insults, twelve comebacks and an opponent eating through your nerve.

A whole island, not one screen

There is a night map with pirates actually walking about on it, six places to visit —the tavern, the graveyard, the docks, the seer's shack, the beach and a clearing you have to earn the right to climb to—, errands to solve, a swordmaster who does not give lessons, and a three-headed monkey it is best not to stare at.

Night-time overhead map of Isla Mofa with paths and coloured dots — The round dots are pirates and they walk. If you can catch up with them.

The ship's log with the list of insults learned — The ship's log: everything you learned by having it said to you first.

And an intro, because in 1990 games had intros

A full cinematic the first time: the rowing boat crossing at night, the hat two sizes too big, the brochure that promised something else, and a black ship blocking the way. The captain does not challenge you to swords. He challenges you to conversation, which is worse.

The intro: the hero's rowing boat beside a black pirate ship under the moon — «HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!». You can skip it with ESC, but you had better not.

What is inside

Twelve insults and twelve comebacks, all original. Not one copied.
Four pirates with their own character, plus whoever really runs the island.
Seventeen hidden feats, and some of them are a joke in themselves.
A shared records table: you can look at it before playing, which is when it is any use.
Mouse or keyboard, as you prefer. The game saves itself.
Hand-drawn pixel art, font included: every letter is placed pixel by pixel.
No dependencies. Not a framework, not a library, not a cookie.

START THE GAME

Buy a mug of grog

The game is free and it is going to stay free. No adverts, nothing for sale, it does not ask for your email, it does not trade your data and, as far as we know, it does not watch you while you sleep.

What it does have is a server, a domain and the odd invoice that turns up religiously every month, although nobody invited it. Behind it there are also a fair few hours of work, sacrificed free time, pixels placed with questionable judgement and, above all, a lot of care.

If the game made you laugh, if it reminded you of one of those nineties afternoons in front of a beige computer, or if you simply feel like dropping a coin in the jar, you can.

It does not unlock characters.
It does not give you better swords.
It does not include secret maps.
It does not remove adverts, because there are no adverts.
And it does not grant you three wishes either. We are still negotiating that one.

All right, it does do one thing. There is a graveyard on Isla Mofa, and one headstone has been standing there empty since day one with a sign that reads RESERVED. It is yours. You write your name and your epitaph, we show you exactly how it will look on the stone before we carve it —we are serious people here— and there it stays for as long as the island does.

Ambrosio the Provident has been digging since you arrived, and he has a half-carved headstone over there because he never knew what to put on it. Now he does. It does not resurrect you, it does not grant extra lives and it does not get you out of the graveyard —nobody has got out of the graveyard yet— but he can finally finish it. As he always says: it's nothing personal, it's foresight.

It simply helps keep Isla Mofa afloat, and helps me keep giving it my time.

And who knows… maybe thanks to that the next version will bring new areas, more characters, more secrets, more insults, more absurd situations or some surprise that right now it would be irresponsible to reveal.

Mainly because I have not programmed it yet.

BUY A GROG

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